Armpit, Wisconsin

Tee hee! Well we made it and we only saw one deer the entire ride. We are not really in Armpit but we are in Pittsville, close enough. My family lives in the dead center of the state and that is a fact that they are proud of. There is a church and a bar on every corner and the grocery store is also the bait shop is also the movie rental. Everybody has a camper parked next to the garage and for a number of weeks out every year the town turns orange. Hunting is a big part of the culture up here.

This is one of my favorite places in the entire world. Armpit, WI, Boulder, CO and anywhere in the Caribbean. When I was young I would cry so hard when I had to leave and head back home to Illinois. Truthfully, I still choke back tears as we drive back down the red gravel road on our way back to reality. This place is my safe place. Anytime I am sad or overwhelmed or I feel like I need to run away, this is where I long to come. Funny, this was once used as a threat (as in "you better shape up or I'm sending you to grandmas") some punishment.

It is just so peaceful here, so far away from the stresses of everyday life, so close to the family where I can just be me. Plus, no matter how poorly I dress, there is still someone who looks worse. I don't think I could top fanny packs, Packer green and gold and tapered jeans no matter how hard I tried!

Ah, Armpit... the best place on Earth filled with fields and deer, farmers and dirt roads. For a time I consider moving here but I quickly remember all my conveniences that I would have to leave behind. I just don't think that I could part from my Target and my DSW. It would just be too much to bear!

The Fruit of my Loins

I would just like to say, for the record, I have a really cool kid. I have always known that I love him, but right now I really like him too! I don't know how many of you remember the weird toddler stages; there is the strange eating phases, the whining, the clinginess, I could go on. But the point is that whatever "phase" Jack is in right now is totally great. He is funny and smart. My 2 year old can count to 10!! I cannot remember if this is normal, or if I am correct in thinking that he is a super advanced genius who will continue to excel at an amazing rate. We were playing Hide & Seek and he usually only counts to 3 and then comes to find you, but tonight he counted to 10 (granted he never turned around in the first place so he still found us, but whatever)! It was just so rewarding to see him learning and growing right in front of my face.

One of the biggest downfalls to being a working mom is that I miss so much of his development. Sure, I see the stuff when I get home; but I rarely get to see it the first time. His first steps, his first word, the first time he matched colors, etc. that was all done in front of the eyes of someone else. It is so hard sometimes, to have to play second fiddle or to get so excited about this "new development" only to find out he has been doing that for days. I constantly struggle to balance the knowledge that I am working hard to provide a good life for my son with feeling like I am missing so much. It goes all the way back to my pregnancy, I know it is silly but I harbor tremendous guilt over the fact that I didn't know I was pregnant until I was almost 6months along. For a long time I felt like I short changed Jackson because I really only got 2 months at best of bonding with him still in my womb. That still bothers me, I wonder how our relationship would be different had I know about it sooner, would we be closer, would I be a different mother?

I have been told my many moms that, no matter the circumstances, once you become a mother you will always harbor guilt over something and you will never not worry again. I am realizing just how true that is. Right now I am feeling guilty that Jack can count to 10 but still cannot throw a ball and I am worried that he will outsmart me very quickly. How will I convince him to sleep in his own bed then?