I would just like to say, for the record, I have a really cool kid. I have always known that I love him, but right now I really like him too! I don't know how many of you remember the weird toddler stages; there is the strange eating phases, the whining, the clinginess, I could go on. But the point is that whatever "phase" Jack is in right now is totally great. He is funny and smart. My 2 year old can count to 10!! I cannot remember if this is normal, or if I am correct in thinking that he is a super advanced genius who will continue to excel at an amazing rate. We were playing Hide & Seek and he usually only counts to 3 and then comes to find you, but tonight he counted to 10 (granted he never turned around in the first place so he still found us, but whatever)! It was just so rewarding to see him learning and growing right in front of my face.
One of the biggest downfalls to being a working mom is that I miss so much of his development. Sure, I see the stuff when I get home; but I rarely get to see it the first time. His first steps, his first word, the first time he matched colors, etc. that was all done in front of the eyes of someone else. It is so hard sometimes, to have to play second fiddle or to get so excited about this "new development" only to find out he has been doing that for days. I constantly struggle to balance the knowledge that I am working hard to provide a good life for my son with feeling like I am missing so much. It goes all the way back to my pregnancy, I know it is silly but I harbor tremendous guilt over the fact that I didn't know I was pregnant until I was almost 6months along. For a long time I felt like I short changed Jackson because I really only got 2 months at best of bonding with him still in my womb. That still bothers me, I wonder how our relationship would be different had I know about it sooner, would we be closer, would I be a different mother?
I have been told my many moms that, no matter the circumstances, once you become a mother you will always harbor guilt over something and you will never not worry again. I am realizing just how true that is. Right now I am feeling guilty that Jack can count to 10 but still cannot throw a ball and I am worried that he will outsmart me very quickly. How will I convince him to sleep in his own bed then?
3 comments:
Oh my yes Shan , guilt comes in the mom package and will last all your life. Try to think of it that Jack gets the best of two worlds. Mom and dad and gramma and grampa.Look at christy, she has had the same situation and her kids love and respect her very much. I am still second fiddle no matter how much time I spent with them. So not to worry, Jack will always know who his mommy is....Its not what you did before but what you do from this day forward....Love you sweet thing. grammi
Wow, I should have read THIS entry. You MUST explain how you didn't know you were knocked up until month 6. I mean, did you just totally feel like crap on toast forever until you figured it out? or were you one of those evil women who doesn't feel a thing?
As for the working bit - I'm there with ya. But staying at home has its own drawbacks. Having done both, I find that neither gives me a great sense of comfort when it comes to my parenting ability. Also, I tend to cherish my daughter's moments more now that there are less than a zillion of them to experience every day. That might be a callous thing to say, but I mean, how many times can you get excited over twinkle twinkle little star? I have my limit of 3 hours per day.
I'm so happy you found my blog! Yep, I'm a Mommy-blogger in Mundelein with a 4 year old girl & 2 year old boy. We love playdates! Lemme know if you're interested! Chrissi chrissiwall@comcast.net
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